Copywriting

Writing your way to a better sex life

We rewrote this guy’s profile and got him 4x the number of dates. Watch how you can use copywriting to improve your relationships, dating, or even long-term relationship.



For privacy, this is not his real name or photo.

Our co-worker “Esteban” is a great guy, but he still wasn’t having any luck on dating sites like Tinder or OKCupid.

We took one look at his profile and instantly knew why.

He’s a great guy, but he wasn’t presenting himself the right way.

This is true for dating, job applications, even once you’re married. You could be the nicest, most thoughtful person, but if you can’t communicate it, none of that matters.

(Sorry, angry internet trolls who believe “s/he should love me for who I am.” You need to make yourself attractive. Boo hoo.)

So one of our copywriters decided to do an experiment and hijacked his dating profile.



Here’s what happened

Within 24 hours of Esteban’s new profile going up, he had 275% more women responding to him.

Here’s how they did it.



The problems with his profile:

  • Too many boring cliches: “I spend a lot of time thinking about how to be happy”
  • ZzZzzzzZ: “On a regular Friday night I hang out with some friends and have a drink or four” (hint: show, don’t tell)
  • Weird phrase that sounds odd: “…Took some kids up some mountains in France for a bit…”

What we changed:



Our copywriters didn’t do anything manipulative. They didn’t lie, or exaggerate, or replace his picture with some studio-quality headshot. Instead, they took what he already had in his profile and polished it.

  • Put exactly what he was looking for at the beginning
  • Cut all the cliches out of the profile
  • Rewrote the description of his job to focus on the cool parts, not the boring day to day
  • Changed the last line to be exciting and unique

And this is what happened:



One person said, “So much less douchey than most internet people”

Esteban is a great guy, but he wasn’t having much luck online. We helped Esteban get nearly FOUR TIMES the number of dates overnight.

All using good writing.

I’m talking about taking someone who’s awesome — funny, smart, caring — and using the right words to let your best qualities shine through. Do you see how important this is?

You might be the most funny, smart, caring person…but if you can’t communicate it, nobody will ever know.

I love doing little experiments like this to find easy fixes that help you lead a Rich Life.

What else should we experiment on? Leave a comment below. I’ll read every response.

There Are 56 Comments

Join The Conversation
Michael P. Toothman

This case study is very timely. I have been reviewing my professional biography with a rather jaundiced eye lately as I do not believe it truly captures my experience and the value I bring my clients. I believe I need something clear, concise, and memorable for prospective clients and professional social media sites. Unfortunately, I am too close to the trees to do it myself.

Yes how would one rewrite their profile if they are not experienced like your team or don’t have access to your team like a normal person? I would love to see an article on how to do this or where we can find someone to do this.

Thanks for this compelling story! I especially liked how Esteban’s “voice” was preserved in the rewritten version, while the copy was more focused and compelling. I’d love to see some reconstructions of:

(a) fundraising copy (by email or in direct mail) from small non-profit organizations (those doing good work, but without the scale for a professional marketing effort and/or with a small development team)

(b) resumes for mid-career professionals — those with a substantial track record of accomplishments — especially for people aiming at a career transition who are trying to make the case for transferable skills.

Thanks!

Lloyd Ruskin

This was a great article. How do we best see ourselves as others see us? Got me thinking as I update my professional profile on the search for new job opportunities. Thanks for getting me thinking about this in new ways.

The only problem I have with the new copy is its reference to putting women in a box. That could sound a little creepy…

Great case study. I literally come to this site everyday to watch your case studies and learn Ramit. I would really be interested in having a case study of my own or using your copywriting services. Please let me know what I need to do next to get setup.

Thanks so much.
Chad

Hey Ramit,

That was really awesome case study, I often come to growthlab to experience something new, I too try some copywriting hacks on my site and best thing is, there is some improvement though would like to test your copywriting on my site one day.

Keep up the great work.

Emails are the low-hanging fruit here but you have multiple products that do cover that already (not that refreshing that knowledge/continuing to hone that skill isn’t vital). How about crafting a truly memorable thank you card/holiday card/birthday card? Handwritten cards have always gotten my most effusive praise, thanks and gratitude. I think the meager cost/time of those notes has a massive payoff if done well.

I love this suggestion. I send my clients handwritten holiday cards, get well cards, etc. but always stumble when it comes to creating a message that is personal and unique, yet professional and polished at the same time.

When I was using OKCupid, I found few dates but spotted many profiles I wanted to help guys rewrite. In the end, I fell for a guy with a creative profile who wrote a thoughtful message pertaining to something in my own profile. A nice conversation developed and we have been together for almost four years.

Maybe you could experiment with improving the first messages people write on dating sites. I received many that just left me wondering why the guy thought it was a good way to open a conversation. Such a topic could be expanded to include other places where you make small talk with strangers, such as networking events, conferences, or parties.

Copy Wizard ! I am learning a lot from you just reading your free content articles.
I must say that I applied some of these tricks in the past on those websites and it definitely works.
With a good copy / sales letter you can achieve anything !

Hello Ramit,
I’d like to see how to write your bio for your webpage (especially when starting out) and for the Linked In profile. Are they one in the same or should they be different? I have attached my bio for you, minus the contact information and company:

XXX works with senior-level executives, entrepreneurs and creative professionals to strengthen their global communication and interpersonal skills, enabling her clients to feel more confident and comfortable while working on an international level.

Passionate about addressing the complexities that arise when people from different cultures interface, XX has developed experiential training techniques that combine her academic background in sociology and cultural policy with the professional experience she gained during her tenure as a part of the corporate workforce in the United States and as an executive trainer in France.

XX holds a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology from XXCollege and a Masters of Arts in Individualized Studies (Heritage of Cultural Identity and Public Policy) from XX.

Patience

How can these ideas be used in a long-term relationship? Love letters? Texts?

Look up Alexandra Franzen (alexandrafranzen.com). She has a gift for that kind of writing. Check out some of her articles and you’ll have plenty of ideas.

I have no connection with her, I’m just someone who enjoys her writing style.

OMG! This is amazing!

Ramit Sethi — The man, the myth, the love Doctor. Saving the world rewriting one dating profile at a time.

Anyway, back to your question: One thing I would find fascinating to test would be signs for local, small businesses.

A lot of the mom and pop shops around me miss HUGELY on the copy front.

I see signs that focus all on the OWNER “we’re having a sale”

And lots of copy focused on discounting.

I wonder what subtle tweaks could do to local business sales AND their ability to charge premium prices

Scott McKinney

I’ve wondered the same.

Also with homeless beggars’ signs – like if they changed what they were saying from, “Spare Change Please” to (one I saw) “Honesty is Best: Beer Fund” or others, what would the effect be?

How about testing something impactful for the next election, like what kind of Internet jargon makes people dislike Hillary and Donald by divulging true info in clever ways.

how to get others to raise for your charity as in how to get them to pay on your justgiving page and what to put on the text messages and emails etc

Great! But I wouldn’t want to go out with a woman who complains about people being “douchey” before I meet her. Am I too old fashioned? :/

Experiment with writing Craigslist ads for selling things!

They say an ad with a story can allow you to charge 3 or 4 times what you’d normally charge.

When I wrote a funny story in the ad for something I thought I would have a hard time getting rid of, I got a buyer who made a reference to my banter in the ad as I finished demonstrating the product and he paid for it.

Nice experiment. The title is catchy, buy I think putting “sex life” in it kinda cheapens it a bit. Seems like this guy is out to meet a nice woman for a relationship and not just some guy trolling the internet for sex like some many douchey people do. Maybe you didn’t mean anything by it, but I still say the title cheapened the writeup. May “Writing your way to a better love life” or “Writing your way to a better relationships” would have fit the tone of this article better.

Ramit, how about some copywriting tips/examples for a tinder/bumble profile? Those apps only allow for 300 characters while OkCupid lets you write an essay. Getting someone’s interest in 300 characters or less is critical for dating apps and for selling pretty much anything.

I write Security Awareness materials, and all my peers are security geeks, not educators. Once I started introducing copywriting techniques in my materials, the response I got back from my students was phenomenal! Just likes “sales”, security awareness is prompting the audience to act, and most often, to act differently than how they normally act. That’s a tough gig!

So, do you want to challenge? How about Public Safety Announcements? High School sex ed? Or even getting people to change their passwords this week ….

Great article! Experiment ideas: 1. Someones kick starter campaign. 2. my bio/about page:) Im joking (but not) you inspired me to upgrade it. Thanks

Ramit, is it also matter how people put on their photo on the website? Sometimes, a really good photo can make a lot of difference?
Talk about different experience. I ever took a long time to think about what I need to write on the ad for my furniture when I try to sell them. I felt it paid off when I write a great ad.

I met this interesting guy at a singles event earlier last year and because we live in different parts of the world we began emailing each other. It was clear pretty quickly that he was just being polite and I couldn’t figure out how to make myself sound interesting at all. It sucked and our emailing stopped. This was a great example of just a few tweaks makes the copy so much more interesting. Wish I’d known that last year.

Love the upgraded copy. Thanks for showing before/after and explaining the WHY behind the changes. Here’s a couple of experiment ideas: 1) Cover letters/emails. Recruitment is painful when you read letter after letter filled with cliches and repetitive lines from a candidate’s resume. Snooze fest. Letters with personality and someone’s story stand out from the pack. 2) Mission and/or About Me/Us statements. Difficult to do because they’re concise, but so damn important.

Ha! I hired a copywriter just before reading this!

Here’s to a better sex life. Er, I mean, business.

Copywriting makes everything better.

A friend who wasn’t a great writer asked me to polish up her online dating profile.

Although she had more guys respond to the new copy the jig was up once she started chatting with or emailing them.

I was struggling with writing below, then I had a copywriter friend help turn this bland, first draft for our 10 year anniversary story:

Bath-based branding consultancy Designbull celebrating their 10th birthday

Founded by Andy Fuller in 2006, Designbull had humble beginnings. Andy used to work out of his spare bedroom creating all types of design projects: from logos, websites, company brochures, magazine ads AND helping write copy, shoot photography, videos, animation and cartooning.

Andy says, “I enjoyed helping clients achieve their goals through good design. I was good at all these creative skills, yet a master of none. So, although it was scary, I made a conscious decision to focus on being an expert at what I always best at – designing and creating logo identities and websites.”

Fast forward ten years, Designbull are now operating from their central Bath office on Belmont, Lansdown Road. Having organically evolved from being a bedroom business to a brand/design consultancy working with a team of associates, they now specialise in roadmapping and brand strategy, brand logo identities and websites. Over the last ten years,”

Marc, my copywriter friend changed it to this (THANK YOU MARC!!):

Design firm bullish on local future after celebrating 10 years in Bath

Bath-based branding consultancy Designbull is celebrating 10 years of helping to put south west businesses, start-ups and charities on the national and international map.

Founder Andy Fuller, who started the company from his bedroom in 2006, claims the Bristol and Bath business community is getting stronger and he has seen a number of clients, including BodyMe and Accellier achieve national recognition. Understanding the value of a good brand strategy and eye catching design has, says Fuller, played an important role.

“BodyMe is a fast growing nutritional food supplements business based out of Keynsham,” says Fuller. “The look and feel of its brand and product packaging is crucial in what is becoming an increasingly competitive space.”

Designbull also updated the BodyMe e-commerce site making it easier and faster to update.

Leigh Prideaux, founder of BodyMe comments:

“As a health food business with growing ambitions, I required help to define my brand message that reflected our target audience. From his initial Roadmapping session, Andy at Designbull put us on the right path, providing a refreshed logo identity and packaging design, a full set of brand guidelines and now a user-friendly website. Always available to advise and provide any marketing materials for the BodyMe brand. Since the new brand refresh we now have a solid base to grow the brand and sales.”

Fuller’s 20 years in the design industry helped Designbull’s clients build strong brand presence and differentiate themselves from competitors. The services offered by Designbull (brand roadmapping, brand strategy, logo and website design) help businesses clarify their brand message and communicate it through their marketing channels.

“We couldn’t have made it this far without our clients who placed their trust in us.” comments Fuller, thanking his clients.

Fuller concludes:

“Bath and the south west is a fantastic place to do business. There are a lot of very talented people here with great ideas and businesses. We are seeing an increase in branding enquiries as companies look to push on, realising the value in branding and its role in creating a competitive advantage.”

Good stuff Ramit.
There is definitely a skill to writing profiles. I need help on both my professional and dating profiles as neither is getting a response. Do you think one can learn these skills or is it better to hire a professional?

This is great!

This will help me greatly in life!

It’s a skill that needs to be taught in schools!

I am going to test it this week and hit you up with results, Ramit!

Thanks for all the awesomeness that results in greatness for us, Ramit!

Hello Sir,
Its really nice article. I definitely improved myself. I want you do experiment on Startup companies interview. Recently I done 2 interviews in startup but can’t got offer letter. I replied all questions they asked and also showed my strategy for his company what i do for you. Not success to get Job offer.

i just discovered your site & I’m loving it! I’m redoing my dinosaur of a website and want to rewrite intro copy for my Internet Show on “How to Live in Partnership with Your Angels” – I’ve received hundreds of testimonials, but am always open to learning how to better present material is very concretely transforming lives. Bless you, your work is heavenly marketing! My old info page is here: http://www.visionsofheaven.com/AAngels/ann_and_the_angels_info.html Bless you, your work is heavenly business!

Yes it real amazing!you have a lot of things some one can learn.God bless you.

Can we rewrite our resumes?…so not the usual xyz qualifications only, but how can I be beneficial to the hirer…. Resume writing is more of a traditional market, breaking it with a different use of language will be very interesting.

Hi Ramit, I won’t take the course because I’m an undergrad but I think you are awesome and I just wanted to tell you.
Just a month ago I started a blog on finance for spanish people so we’ll see how it goes!
Cheers

Hi Ramit, I’m from Iran , I’d love to take part in your live courses but when I open the links it says that the service is unavailable in my country. Would you please fix it for people from countries like this?
Thank you

If this is real, I am amazed. Well done and point well proven!
Isn’t that crazy? It’s so true. I could be the richest, funniest guy in the world but if I walk in too shy to speak dressed like a homeless man, perception becomes reality.
That’s something that took a long time for me to realize as I would get mad or emotionally angry when I was passed over even though I knew I was a great guy in many ways.

Ramit, definitely do more tests like this!
What’s the most effective ways of getting dates been for you? How has it been different and similar to online marketing?

Esteban’s improved profile makes him sound more personal than everyone else’s generic dating profile.

Interesting but misleading. Has this increase being from removing the ambiguity about kids. Unsure..

Although he is getting the extra hit rate, is it just more crazies or are they quality leads from his type. Again unclear..

Keep up the great work

Bath-based branding consultancy Designbull is celebrating 10 years of helping to put south west businesses, start-ups and charities on the national and international map.

Founder Andy Fuller, who started the company from his bedroom in 2006, claims the Bristol and Bath business community is getting stronger and he has seen a number of clients, including BodyMe and Accellier achieve national recognition. Understanding the value of a good brand strategy and eye catching design has, says Fuller, played an important role.

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